“It’s Ass Sex Legends.”

That’s the very first phrase of the YouTube trailer for the newly announced Apex Legends porn parody from WoodRocket and its partner Pornhub.

If you were wondering what’s the title of that Apex Legends it’s called: Ass Sex Legends.

WoodRocket also sent a press release with the disclaimer: “for immediate release.”

“Drop your pants and grab your joysticks!” WoodRocket recommends. “The porn companies that brought you the hit sexy spoofs, Fortnut and Bowsette XXX, are about to put the Butt back into Button Mashing. WoodRocket and Pornhub are proud to present the porn parody, A** Sex Legends, an anal homage to the smash hit video game, Apex Legends.”

WoodRocket is indeed the same studio that made the Bowsette porn parody which made “fun” (in every possible meaning of the term) of the Mario lore. Their catalogue also includes “Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles, Laygo, and Strokémon.” Well, I’m sure Respawn is delighted to see Apex Legends receive “an anal homage” from such a prolific studio.

Concerning the Youtube trailer, it is relatively SFW (just sex some toys and language) and viewable below.

While still surprised after having that title shouted at me, I was surprised to learn that this Apex Legends porn parody is weirdly cynical about the very game it’s parodying. The trailer describes Apex Legends as “a totally unique and original game that is not almost exactly the same as Fortnite and PUBG, or a myriad of other games that it is the same as,” and with sarcasm so thick you could spread it on a croissant. I mean, sure, Apex Legends is a battle royale game with battle royale mechanics, but between its ingenious ping communication, Jumpmaster drop system, and revive mechanic, it’s also staggeringly innovative. But then, you don’t go to a porn parody for informed critique. You go there to laugh at the proper nouns, so let’s move onto the cast.

The parody stars Mirod (Mirage), Gaipth (Wraith), and Penisfinder (Pathfinder). I’d like to point out that Penisfinder’s head is just a male masturbator. The cast is armed with all manner of sex toys standing in for different rarities of gear, and in the trailer alone, delivers such zingers as:

“You look like the kind of guy who knows the way to Skullfuck Town.”

“Your weapon’s big and all, but it still looks like it was programmed to fit in my EA – electronic asshole.”

“Bangalore my Outlands.”

“Do not dance in this game, we don’t want Carlton to sue us.”

That last one actually quite funny.