Madonna paid a visit to Jimmy Fallon last night. She was predictably erratic but dropped a few casting offers, which she declined – some things even the pop star regrets.
Madonna has done it all. Sing, dance, act, direct, you name it. She lives by the rule that there are no rules and no regrets. Except for maybe a tiny bit, a rejected role in The Matrix!
“Can you believe it?” she exclaimed. “It’s one of the best movies ever made. A tiny little part of me regrets just that one moment of my life.” She also turned down the lead role in Batman Returns, Catwoman and Showgirls. “I’ve seen both of those, and I’m sorry I turned down Catwoman; that was pretty intense,” the singer said of the role that was eventually given to Michelle Pfeiffer. “Showgirls? No.”
Okay, we all see Madonna in the famous cat suit. She’d probably wear it to the grocery store if she had it handy. We can all imagine Madonna yelling like hell at people and drinking milk from a saucer. We can all see why this casting was thrown up. Stripping in Showgirls? Again, we wouldn’t be surprised if she did it in the grocery store.
But… The Matrix? I can’t imagine her in any role in that movie. We could all jump to Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity, but that couldn’t be it, could it? Madonna didn’t say. My guess is the Oracle. I could picture Madonna smoking a cigarette at the kitchen table and dispensing life wisdom. But Gloria Foster was perfect! There was no way Breathless Mahoney was bringing the sexual tension in her slipper.
Joe Pantoliano’s Cypher? Not! As many great movies as this man makes, and there are many, I always think of Eddie and the Cruisers and On the Darkside. Oh, yes, yes! I had a huge crush on Tom Berenger that year; even though we were supposed to be swooning over Michael Pare, The Big Chill came out that year. Paré never stood a chance.
No, there was no room for a Madonna Morpheus, a Madonna Smith agent. Don’t even say the name Neo. I don’t see him anywhere, except maybe in one of those battery bubbles. Anywhere else, and we’d have been plucked out of the sci-fi world we’ve been hypnotically placed into. Would you please let me know if you see a place where it would have fit? I would love to hear your theories.
My argument, so that you know, is not that Madonna doesn’t belong in the movie. She was perfect in A League of Their Own as Mae. She was perfect as the breathless Mahoney in Dick Tracy. Her performance as Eva Perón in Evita won her the Oscar for Best Score. Frankly, it could be argued that his groundbreaking music videos are the basis of whether we like to see him on screen or not. We enjoyed all of her roles because they reflected on her as a woman. But our cherished sci-fi classic? In which position could you imagine Madonna in The Matrix?