MOVIE REVIEW – Muscled up Vin Diesel returns in the role of the CIA extreme sports superspy, Xander Cage with pretty Indian actress, Deepika Padukone, good old Samuel L. Jackson and other more or less known movie stars. After the first movie, which was supposed to be a 007 killer spy movie “cooler than James Bond”, and after the second one without Vin Diesel, here we go again in the land of action superspy nonsense.

 

All right, so when I am going to see a Vin Diesel movie, I am not expecting a timeless classic, a clever story with witty dialogues. I expect insane stunts, action, gun fights, blood splashing and gorgeous women. And I have to confess, that xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage delivered on that. But come on, even the most action-oriented, zero-logic spy flick needs at least a story with an at least BASIC level of logic and continuity. Or am I asking too much?

xXx level of stupidity multiplied by three

While I wasn’t a big fan of the first xXx, it stayed in my memory, as a decent action flick, with cool action, a reasonably average story, and bearable hammy acting. To refresh my memory, I just rewatched some scenes with Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Martin Csokas and they were rather well done. Then I remembered the movie I saw yesterday evening…

The basic story of xXx (which you are going to forget anyway) is about some secret organization with technology to steal satellites and to drive them to Earth to kill people. Super-agent Xander Cage (who is supposed to be dead in Bora Bora and never explained, how he still lives) is back again to find out, who are behind the attacks and… and… Oh to the hell with it!

The third xXx is so devoid of at least a basic level of coherence in its story that you will quicker forget what was it about, then Vin Diesel saying “I am back, bitches!”

The Hammy is strong in this one

I am not even sure if that sentence is in the movie, but I can barely remember any lines Vin Diesel said, his lines are so stupid, and his acting is so hammy in this movie. Granted, I was never a big fan of the actor, but he had some rather good movies, with solid acting, like The Chronicles of Riddick and perhaps some of the episodes of Fast & Furious.

Here, all Vin Diesel does besides the action scenes is posing, smiling complacently while delivering stupid one-liners. Of course, he’s not helped with the dialogues so stupidly written, that first movie is Oscar-worthy compared to it.

Roughly the same goes for the other actors, with Samuel L. Jackson with his tired Tarantino-like acting rehashed once again, Toni Collette, who is just plain weak as CIA top executive, Hong Kong action star Donnie Yen (who was far better in Rogue One) and roughly the rest of the cast as well. Deepika Padukone is perhaps the best of the crew as far as acting goes, but it’s not saying much – Asia Argento was still better in the first xXx.

Action Jackson

If you can get past the brain-dead plot, cliché dialogues and one-liners and the hammy acting, and you are ONLY looking for entertaining action sequences, you still might have some good old popcorn and coke kind of fun. Some of the action scenes are pretty well choreographed, with superspies shooting other super spies, Vin Diesel jumping from radio towers, fist-fighting, jumping from a plane in explosion – yes, you get all-you-can-eat from this overfilled action-buffet.

I think that you get the picture already. While this action movie has one of the stupidest plots ever, the overall acting level is so bad, that even the first xXx movie puts it to shame. If you are only looking for mindless superspy action reminiscent of the eighties and nineties, there’s still some fun to be had here. Just be sure to leave your brain waiting for you at the entrance of the movie theater.

-BadSector-